By Tess Adair
I realize this has been an overused meme/truism for at least four years running, but it is my *TRUTH* and I must say it: 2019 was a trash fucking year for me.
Now, to be clear, when I say this, I don’t mean that ALL of 2019 was bad. A lot of it was good to pretty good. It’s just that the bad of 2019 was so astronomically bad that I will be eking out my life in the Fallout-like remains of it for years to come.
That being said, I actually don’t love spending my time being over-the-top negative. As I am no longer 19, I have moved past the obligatory Ayn Rand-ian hyper selfishness and cynicism of adolescence, and I want to direct my energies elsewhere. (Ok, in reality, my big teenage phase was definitely communism and I WILL NEVER GROW OUT OF IT but you get my point.)
So, 2019, trash that it is, is about to get some love from me. It’s good to remind yourself of what you’re thankful for, in the same way that it’s good to meditate--these are positive practices for our brains that help us develop the tools to create happiness and balance within ourselves. And besides that, the bad does not cancel out the good, and it’s the good that deserves to be preserved and remembered--preferably in list form on some rando’s blog somewhere. In that vein, the following is a list of things that helped me survive this past year, for which and to whom I am eternally grateful.
This list is mostly about Lizzo.
#1 - Truth Hurts by Lizzo
I don’t think this was the first Lizzo song I heard, but I do think it was the first Lizzo music video I saw. And it blew me away and changed my life. If you haven’t seen it, here it is:
It’s hard to put into words what I felt the first time I saw this music video. To borrow a phrase, here was a woman owning her own power in such a genuine, free-spirited way that was at once relatable and inspirational, and damn clever and entertaining to boot. This song is such a fist-pump of triumph over everyone who has ever failed to respect or appreciate you. It’s that moment when someone wrongs you or pisses you off that one FINAL time, and you are just DONE with it. Done, and happy, at last, to be done. It is the song of victory that plays during the moment you realize that you are so better off without them, they may no longer even be a footnote in the history of your life.
The crazy thing about how much I related to this song is...I’m currently in a happy, stable relationship with the love of my life, so I’m not really feeling terribly vengeful about any exes or anything. But, like...this song is kind of how I feel about 2019? Like, I knew early on that this was going to be a crap year, and this song was sort of my reminder that all I had to do was get through it, and then I’d get to move on and forget all about it.
Just like I’ve already done with all my exes, and everyone else I’ve ever had to push out of my life. Bling bling then I solve ‘em, that’s the goddess in me.
Also, just, the aesthetic of this video is GORGEOUS. It briefly convinced me that I should get married in lingerie, until I remembered that one is typically expected to invite one’s parents to the wedding.
#2 - Cardio, baby
Cardio is that ride-or-die bitch who’s with me through it all. Cardio is there when I’m happy and ready to move because the spirit moves me to move, and cardio is there when all I want to do is crawl back into my shell and wait for the apocalypse.
And you KNOW cardio is better with Lizzo in your ears. Do I even have to say it?
#3 - Water Me by Lizzo
I came to ‘Water Me’ late in the year, when the Lizzo infection in me blossomed into an epidemic. And now the sound of my triumph is: “I don’t get dehydrated, I moisturize a-daily, I am my inspiration, I AM MY INSPIRATION!” You can hear me singing it to myself on the rare days I wake up in a good mood, or if I’m refilling the water bowl for the cat or for myself, or when I apply lotion or oil to my face or body, or when I’m in the shower.
It’s also perfect for that halfway point in the cardio, when you feel like you’re about ready to give up--and then BOOM this song gives you a second wind. RUN FASTER, BE YOUR INSPIRATION!
#4 - Tempo by Lizzo
THIS was the song that really got me on my feet. FUCK IT UP TO THE TEMPO. When I heard this one, I finally knew for sure that Lizzo was speaking for me.
I did say that this list would be *mostly* about Lizzo, not *entirely* about Lizzo, and in that vein, we will switch gears for a brief moment here and talk about...
#5 - Contrapoints (by Lizz...oh, wait)
So, recognizing that I may be about to call down the Twitter Horde to come beat me to death in the street...I love Natalie Wynn and her youtube channel, Contrapoints. Did I discover her channel in 2019? No. But did her channel come to mean even more to me than ever before in 2019? Absolutely.
If you’ve never heard of Contrapoints before, I’ll just give you a brief summary of the channel and the woman who runs it. Natalie Wynn is a former Philosophy PHD student who left academia after becoming disillusioned with it, and eventually brought her considerable education and thoughtful commentary to youtube, where she makes videos about topics ranging from free speech to incels, from beauty to gender dysphoria. Her takes are always nuanced and thoughtful, and her videos frequently run over half an hour long in order to incorporate as much relevant information as possible, which usually includes summarizing opposing viewpoints on a given issue (often a controversial issue, often controversial views) and interrogating them.
I’m already politically aligned with Wynn and her content, but she has a pretty serious reputation for being someone who “de-radicalizes” young men who’ve been lured in by the false promises of the alt-right. This Vice video does a pretty good job summarizing her well-earned rep.
I. LOVE. HER. SHIT. Of course, I have to go ahead and say it...I also love her aesthetic. So, I’m gonna link the video where I love her aesthetic the MOST. It’s called ‘The Darkness’ because of COURSE it is:
#6 - My Mom and my Partner
I love my mommy. It’s been a pretty tough year for my family, but my mom has been this unbreakable rock working to keep all our heads above water, all while trying to prepare for her own retirement (which, as of this writing, has finally begun!) She is strong, she is smart, she is my role model. I can never repay her for everything she has done for me, and lucky for me, she would never ask me to. Love you, Mommy.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my other rock here: my partner, Dozie. Don’t wanna get too mushy, so I’ll just say that my standards are pretty high, and he leaps over all of them. He supports me in everything, he makes me laugh, and he makes my life both easier and better. He is my shelter from the storm. Love.
#7 - True Bud(s)
First of all, this is a weed joke. Please clap.
Second, I’m almost full-up on mush but I should say: I love my buds! This year featured a FANTASTIC trip to Miami for one of my best friend’s birthdays--financed entirely by her super gracious parents, this essentially served as a mini high school reunion, as they flew out both me and our other BFF from high school. And since exactly NONE of the three of us live in St. Louis anymore (and I’m the only one whose parents still live there) this was kinda extra-great because it is increasingly difficult to get the 3 of us in the same place. Plus, it was an unexpected throw-back--the three of us went on a cruise right after high school graduation that took off from Miami, which is literally the only other time I’ve ever been to Miami.
Aaaand since I am desperately trying to keep this post as light as possible, I’m just going to briefly shout out to far too many of my friends who had a shit time this year: I love you, and I am looking forward to a brighter future for all of us.
May we all meet in the remains of Miami 10 years into the apocalypse and wonder how there was ever a city there at all.
#8 - Boys
BOYYYYYYS!
Here is my face every time Lizzo sings “boyyyys”
And here’s the video. Nuff said.
#9 - Lizzo, by Lizzo
Other Lizzo highlights of my year include, but are not limited to: her tiny desk concert on youtube, an ear-blastingly awesome Laser Lizzo show at the Pacific Science Center, and the following (cut for time, REALLY?) clip from Saturday Night Live:
I just really appreciate SNL, with MVP Lizzo, trying desperately to save the game that was 2019 in the final hour, little knowing that it was already lost. RIP, 2019.
So here’s to a 2020 of embracing our collective raw sexual power. And always remember: don’t burn the ass at both ends!
Oh nooooo I shot the moon editing this, Lizzo no longer sounds like a name or a word or even human speech to me. Dammit SHE WAS ALL I HAD.
HAPPY 2020!!
-Tess
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