I don’t really know how to start writing about the last few months. I guess a lot of people feel that way. There’s an urge to try to be universal, but I don’t think that’s something I can do. I have to start with the personal. Which, for me, means I have to start a little bit earlier than quarantine.
Well, if you’ve been following this blog, you know this part: over a year ago, I started keeping a blog chronicling the process of writing book 3 in my series the Choronzon Chronicles. I tried to update the actual log every day, but it was usually more like once a week. At the end of every week, I would sit down and write a summary of each day that week. And then I’d post the summaries a few weeks in arrears. I kept this up with decent consistency through January, when...my life just sorta turned upside down for a while.
I wish I could explain it in more detail, but doing that would involve airing other people’s dirty laundry, which I don’t think is the right thing to do in this case. Instead, I’ll summarize: there have been some very serious health issues in my immediate family, as well as some attendant trauma and, for lack of a better term, dramatics. I am...dealing with it, but it has been exhausting.
And, uh, I don’t even have to say the next part, do I? The whole damn country I live in fell apart shortly after that. (Note: obviously the whole world is struggling, but it’s an undeniable fact that the United States’ federal government has absolutely failed its people during this crisis.) And my family drama did not end--it still hasn’t (though it seems to be on pause for the moment--which even as I type this, I have no fucking idea how long that’s gonna last.)
In short, I’ve been exhausted for a very, very long time. In short, the novel that I thought I’d be wrapping up in March or April is still not quite done. In short, I feel like I’m behind on everything.
The good news: the first draft of the novel is long done, as well as my own two rounds of editing. This week, I finished addressing the notes from my beta reader, aka my partner, and I sent the manuscript along to my final editor. I’m hopeful for a fall release...which is not a summer release like I’d once planned, but at least it’s still a 2020 release.
So, where does that leave this blog? Honestly, I’m not sure. The past few months, I decided to forgo updating the blog in favor of putting what little energy I have into the actual book. I wish I could say that all the terrible things are behind me, and now I can get back to regularly updating this blog...but I can’t. The terrible things are not behind us. While many countries around the world are either reopening or on the verge of it, mine is starting to shut back down in the wake of a catastrophic rise in cases. And my family’s struggles are only momentarily muted; I am in a constant state of waiting for the next shoe to drop. Maintaining any amount of mental or physical energy is difficult right now, and at best, I’m doing it inconsistently.
My partner and I did attend a BLM protest march a few weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to use my limited Instagram reach to support the protest movement as much as I can. We happen to live in a city that offered free Covid tests for protestors, so we both got tested, and our results came back negative. Of course, no sooner had we gotten those results than a new wave started in our city (due to a frat party, not a protest.) So...back into lockdown we went. (Honestly, we hadn’t really left.)
What I am doing is trying to maintain a fairly regular exercise schedule. Along with my indoor workouts, I’m trying to go on a walk (wearing a mask) at least once a week...which is largely because I had a day where I realized I had not stepped outside in two weeks. I’ve started an incredibly feeble attempt at gardening, too--again, to increase my time outdoors in a socially distant way. And I’m starting, in bits and pieces, to get ready for book 3’s release. She’s been sent to the editor and the cover artist has been contacted. Next up are the copy writers. After that, the ramp-up campaign.
What I feel is anxious. And tired. And uncertain. And for all that, privileged. I’m privileged to have a place to live. Privileged to live with a wonderful, caring partner, and privileged that we haven’t tried each other’s patience too much. Privileged to have a beautiful cat to entertain and annoy me. Privileged to have the expendable income that’s allowed me to pursue a new creative outlet in drip-pour art. And privileged to have enough mental health to finish book 3, however slowly it happened.
And on that note, I can’t wait to see this book’s cover art and share it with all of you! In the meantime, I’ll have to be content to share the photos from my regular daily walks.
Sassy therapy kitty.
Quick Update: in the week it took me to finalize this post, a tree fell on my dad’s house! His car and the back deck were destroyed, but fortunately, no one was hurt. Gratitude for the small things.
There’s an art in my neighborhood.
I moved! New bedroom!
New workspace!
Baked brie and veggie bacon brunch.
New living room!
No comment.
My model, helping me experiment with lighting.
Hope in bits and pieces, maybe.
There’s a gorgeous pagoda roof in my neighborhood, too.
Flowers on my walk.
Perhaps the prettiest tiny library I’ve ever seen.
I made the whipped coffee of the interwebs.
Emptied freeways.
Me and my arrow.
-Tess
Hey, thanks for reading! If you’re new here, and you’d like to hear updates on my writing, including these blog posts and my ongoing novel series, The Choronzon Chronicles, then click below to sign up for my email list!
Alternately, if you’ve never heard of The Choronzon Chronicles before, but you think you might check it out, you can find the first book right here: Shadow Summoner.